Dirty Bit
by LowlifeTheory
Summary: Porny Ideas that dont fit anywhere else...
1. Will Cupcakes Do?

This is all luvsbitca's fault. If she hadnt written awesome dirty suit sex then I wouldn't have demanded awesome dirty belt sex in exchange for biscuits. Seeing as I'll have problems shipping those biscuits to you Honey so I made some cupcakes instead...um, I hope they're to your liking... So I wrote this in an hour or so (I got threatened with no more smut! This is not acceptable), if there's any errors or issues let me know and I'll fix them.

Also dont own Teen Wolf.

Will Cupcakes Do?

Stiles rolled onto his left side for eighty seventh million time and groaned. It was well after three am; clearly sleeping was not on his itinerary tonight. He got out of bed and padded across the dark room, avoiding his desk chair and tripping over a pile of laundry he meant to do yesterday. He gathered it in his arms and carried it with him to the utility room.

There was already a pile of clothes in there, damp and ready to move to the drier. Grumbling about the pains of living with lazy werewolves Stiles moved Scott's laundry and kicked the door closed, stubbing his toe. He hopped around the small room, cursed up a string of profanities fit to make a sailor blush and loaded the washing machine with his own clothes. He turned it on and hopped onto the lid to wait for it to end.

He groped the shelf above him that he suspected was supposed to be home to various washing detergents but all he found were old magazines belonging to Allison and Lydia. He examined sexual position of the week from various angles, poured over sex toy of the week with his tongue between his teeth, and 'the best way to give your man the orgasm of his life in the reverse cowgirl position' he read aloud to himself. Huh, so that explained the noises coming from Jackson's room then.

He decided to find other material when his dick was taking an interest in what he was reading, and the vibrating washing machine didn't help. Damn his boyfriend for being a night creeper and enjoying hunting around the woods in the wee small hours!

'Bake Your Man The Perfect Cupcake!' Stiles read aloud. 'Huh.' He said. It had been a while since he baked. He checked out the recipe and grinned. There would be some awesome cupcakes made here tonight.

The cupcakes were easy in themselves. He dropped the magazines ideas and used his mom's recipe from memory. The icing was a little different. Normally she had used a cream cheese but the only cream cheese in the fridge had garlic through it so Stiles went with the magazines suggestion of buttercream, something he'd never made before.

He found some food colouring and made four small bowls. There were forty cupcakes altogether. He was so lost in his cooking that he didn't hear the front door open and close. He did jump when someone accosted him from behind lacing long fingers in front of his belly. The cupcakes were already cooling and Stiles had to slap Derek's roaming hand away to ensure their safety.

'Not until I've added the icing!' Stiles snapped.

'Not fair.' Derek said resting his chin on Stiles shoulder and looking down at the baked goodness. 'Looks tasty.'

'Yeah well I'm just about to do the first batch.' Stiles said mixing the purple icing and feeding it into an icing bag. They both watched as Stiles happily decorated ten of the little cakes.

The blue was next and he lifted the bowl, giving a final stir before turning for a tray of cakes. Derek's chest was in his way and he let out a little oaf as he thumped into the werewolf. 'You know I'd get this done a lot quicker if you weren't in my way.'

'Uh huh.' Derek ignored Stiles, reached behind him and suddenly there was blue icing on the tip of Stiles' nose. Derek leaned forward and licked it clean before spreading a little under Stiles' ear. He licked that too.

'Derek!' Stiles tried to push him away but Derek crowded Stiles against the counter, dragging the t-shirt off him and licking along his collarbone. He scooped some icing out of the bowl and wiped it around Stiles' nipples before bending to suck them clean. Stiles groaned and let Derek lower him to the floor. He kicked his boxers off as Derek stripped his clothes and brought the bowl of blue buttercream with them.

Derek's fingers worked a pattern over Stiles belly and eventually he looked up to see what Derek was smirking at. He had written 'Derek's Chew Toy.'

'You think!' Stiles crowed playfully before twisting Derek so he was on his back. Stiles caught his tongue between his teeth, his ass brushing against Derek's cock as he completed his work of art. 'I think you should get this tattooed on you.'

'Stiles' Bitch?' Derek read aloud.

'That's actually an exclamation point at the end, not a question mark, because hey it's true. You're my bitch.'

'I'm your bitch?' Derek raised an eyebrow.

'Yup.' Stiles said happily, squawking when Derek grabbed him and pulled him close, smashing the words together on their bodies. They both laughed at the squidgy feeling.

'Hey this would make good lube.' Derek mused.

'Are you serious?'

'Yes.' Derek said.

'Well you're not sticking cupcake icing up my arse.' Stiles said nipping his boyfriend's neck.

'We'll see about that.' Derek teased twisting until Stiles was under him. They played and wrestled like that until Stiles' teeth finally nipped Derek's Adams apple. Their cocks were hard and slick and sliding together deliciously with every movement.

'I win.' Stiles said as he rubbed against Derek, one hand braced beside Derek's head, the other scooping up some of the buttercream for Derek to suck off his fingers. Derek's tongue laced around each of Stiles' digits as Stiles ground against him.

'Are you going to fuck me or hump my belly?' Derek asked releasing Stiles' fingers.

'Fuck I wanted to eat that out of you but I don't think I can stop this!' Stiles moaned his head dropping onto Derek's shoulder. Derek reached a hand around to grip Stiles' ass, the other one wrapping around their slick cocks as they slid together. The feeling of Derek's warm hand coupled with his hard cock against Stiles own had Stiles toes curling.

Their hips worked in tandem, pushing into Derek's tight fist as Stiles fingers teased over their slits with his fingers. Stiles came first, his load adding to the mess already between them. The slickness of Stiles hot come, coupled with the buttercream had Derek whining as he joined his boyfriend in completion.

'You just whined like a bitch!' Stiles said his body falling heavy on Derek who just grunted but tugged him close.

'Yes.' Derek agreed tangling a leg through Stiles' legs and holding him like that as they nibbled and sucked each other's lips. 'Hey!' He pouted, Stiles' words finally registered as Stiles chuckled to himself.

'Can we borrow the green one now?' Lydia's voice snapped them both out of their post orgasmic haze.

'Have at it.' Stiles muttered, deciding their perving on them wasn't worth it. Jackson made a happy noise as he followed Lydia out of the kitchen.

'I think we need a shower.' Derek muttered.

'M'sleepy.' Stiles muttered.

'Well I'm not your mattress.' Derek said slapping Stiles on the rear.

'But we're stuck together like glue!' Stiles sang quietly.

'Seriously, you're singing swing music to me?' Derek asked. Stiles just shrugged.

'What can I say I've been listening to your music too much lately.'

'Come on. Up!' He said. Stiles giggled at the innuendo before following Derek to the bedroom, meeting both Scott (who screamed like a girl) and Allison (who eyed them interestedly) on the way to the master suite and gigantic tub. There were perks to being the Alpha's mate after all.

And there was still a bowlful of pink buttercream just waiting to be used.


	2. Catch Me

As much as I would love to lay blame at someone's feet for this, this is my own creation of porny filth. I added it to Dirty Bit because this is the perfect place to stick all my one shot porny creations.

This is a Derek/Jackson/Stiles adventure!

XXX

Stiles swallowed and closed his eyes. He could do this. He was a strong person. He was confident in himself. He was not afraid of his own body. He could do this.

'Can I help you?' A red haired sales assistant asked.

Stiles yelped at her voice, clutched his hand tighter around the purple dildo and ran. Right out the door onto the street. Still clutching the toy. People moved out of his way, sharing shocked expressions at his appearance and what he was grasped in his fist. Something had changed as he came out the door; the thing in his hand was moving.

'Now just you wait a minute young man. You give that dildo back right now!' The sales assistant called following him onto the street.

'Oh my god.' He said doing the only thing he could think of. Stiles ran.

He pushed his way through the crowed running onto the path of oncoming traffic and waving a sorry hand when the horns blared all around him, then promptly freaking out when it was his dildo hand. Squawking he dodged past traffic, onto the opposite side of the street and into the city park, leaping over summer seats and running until his chest burned.

He was halfway through the park when he realised he was being followed by two cops. He didn't think things could get any worse. If he could just get home, calm down and explain to some nice understanding person that he was only curious then he figured he would be ok.

That wouldn't happen though; Stiles knew from his track record of life that embarrassing situations like this were forever happening to him. He dodged the fence back onto the sidewalk, weaving through Saturday afternoon crowds and into alleys. Eventually he made it to the back door of his building, slipping inside and bolting up the stairs, the vibrator still buzzing in his hand.

He could hear feet on the stairs behind him chasing him until he came to the door, leaning against it as he groped for his key in his back pocket, slipping it into the lock with shaking fingers as a dark haired cop rounded the corner. He got the door open, stumbled inside, but he went too far and when he turned the door was filled with the shape of the cop, the other guy coming to a stop behind him.

'I think we need to talk don't you.' The taller cop said walking in while his partner followed, kicking the door shut behind him. Stiles backed up until his legs caught the brim of the couch, falling backwards until he felt like the cushions were swallowing him. The dark haired cop loomed over him glaring down.

'I definitely want to talk to this one.' The other guy said. 'Should I cuff him?' He asked.

Stiles swallowed. He had put his hands behind his back but now the dildo was pressing the cleft of his ass and the vibrations were making his body react in a bad way.

'I think we should cuff him. He looks like trouble.' The dark guy said hauling Stiles to his feet by the arms. 'Well, well, well. What do we have here?' He asked picking the dildo up between thumb and forefinger.

'We've got ourselves a dirty little thief?' The blond cop asked. Stiles shook his head no.

'Then what are you?'

'I've just come to the city and I'm struggling to get by. A friend offered to help me get some money by selling…me. I was going to practice with that first.' Stiles admitted, his cheeks flushed red.

'Solicitation. Vice. Theft. Jackson we've got ourselves one hell of a bad guy here.'

'No honest, I'm not bad. I'm a good boy.'

'You're a good boy eh?' The cop called Jackson asked.

'Prove it.' The dark haired cop, whose name Stiles had yet to find out, said.

Stiles licked his lips and dropped to his knees, his mouth level with their belts. He found the off button on the purple dildo and dropped it to the floor beside his knee before reaching both hands up and caressing the men's thighs. He worked his hands higher in tiny circular motions until he was palming half hard cocks through their pants.

'For someone who claims to be a virgin Derek he seems to know what he's doing.' Jackson said as Stiles fingers worked their way towards both belt buckles. Stiles took his hand away from Derek to use both to unbuckle Jackson's belt and unbutton his pants. He licked his lips when he seen the hard outline of Jacksons cock through his white shorts. He leaned forward and mouthed Jackson through the material, sucking the tip and working down to Jackson's balls. Stiles nipped slightly, before pulling away and tugging the shorts down with a combination of fingers and teeth until they were hanging around his hips.

Stiles moved closer until his breath was ghosting over the tip of Jacksons dick, blew and pulled away quickly to open Derek's pants. He heard Jackson groan in frustration as Derek chuckled. He looked up at the noise only to see Derek standing shirtless. Beside them Jackson was taking his own clothes off. Stiles took his shirt off before working Derek's belt and pants open. Derek was wearing black shorts.

Stiles leaned in pressing his face into Derek's crotch taking a deep breath then copying his actions, licking and sucking until the shorts were sopping. Stiles pulled them down, hooking them under Derek's balls and giving Jackson a smirk before taking as much of Derek's cock into his mouth as he could.

'Fuck.' Derek swore his hand on Stiles head guiding him the way he wanted, grumbling in protest when Stiles pulled away to lap at the liquid beading on Jacksons cock. Jackson was naked and Stiles wondered when he'd shed the rest of his clothes. That thought was pushed from his mind as Jackson pushed into his mouth. Derek made a happy noise when Stiles wrapped his fingers around his hard flesh, working it gently but firmly as he mouthed down to the base of Jacksons cock before sucking his balls.

Derek stepped closer to Jackson and Stiles heard wet noises. He looked up to see them kissing, Derek's hand on the back of Jacksons neck while Jackson guided Stiles to Derek's cock.

'Why do I get the feeling you two have done this before?' Stiles asked.

'Shut up and suck.' Derek said tugging Stiles towards his cock as Jackson nibbled down his throat. Jackson moaned loudly as Stiles fingers danced over his sensitive flesh. Derek's hips fucked into Stiles mouth and Stiles found himself comparing both men. Jackson was gentler with his delicate touches and acceptance of what Stiles gave him while Derek was happy to take what he wanted from Stiles.

'I think we should take this to the bedroom Derek.' Stiles heard Jackson whisper, nipping Derek's neck. Derek pulled Stiles off his cock and tugged him to his feet, opening his jeans and pushing them to his feet, his shorts following soon after. Stiles kicked off his trainers and added his jeans to the lump of clothes under the coffee table. Jackson bent to retrieve the dildo as Stiles guided them to his bedroom.

The bed was massive, easily big enough for three. Stiles was pushed face first onto the thick duvet and one of them was on him almost immediately, tongue licking over his ass. Stiles wrapped his arms around one of the pillows and dragged it close to his body as the two cops took it in turns to lick him open. Eventually he managed to tell the difference. Derek's stubble brushed harshly against his soft ass cheek as he pulled them apart while Jackson's skin was smooth.

One of them moved and Stiles turned his head to see Jackson poking through one of the bedside drawers. Stiles leaned forward and sucked the head of Jacksons cock into his mouth, licking the sensitive underside before swallowing as much as he could.

'Lube Jackson.' Derek's voice broke through the room. Jackson tossed the bottle to Derek and scraped his fingers over Stiles' head holding him close. Derek flicked the cap and the next thing Stiles knew the cool gel was being slathered around his entrance while Derek was using his fingers to work him open.

Jackson pulled away and joined Derek between Stiles' spread legs. Stiles had trouble telling who was doing what but he jumped when he felt the head of the plastic vibrator nudging against him.

'Relax.' Jackson said nipping Stiles ass as the dildo was worked into him in gentle twists. The only warning Stiles got was the click of the button and suddenly his whole soul was vibrating! He shouted in shock as the dildo was worked in and out, the vibrations catching his special place every time it was twisted.

'Easy.' Derek's voice said as someone pressed a hand to the small of his back. 'Now you're in a lot of trouble kid.'

'I'm sorry.' Stiles whined. 'I won't do it again.'

'That's good. I'm glad we understand each other. But we haven't finished with you yet.' Jackson said. The vibrator was tugged out and more lube was added. Stiles looked around in time to catch Jackson lining himself with Stiles slick hole, edging himself inside until he was nestled tight against Stiles.

'Fuck you're tight.' Jackson muttered mouthing Stiles shoulder.

'Yeah?' Stiles asked pushing his hips back at Jackson. 'And you're big. Now fuck me!'

Jackson pulled out and twisted his hips on the way back in, catching Stiles' sweet spot. Jackson kept up his rhythm of pull push and twist. Stiles buried his head in his arms but the sound of Derek and Jackson kissing distracted him. He looked over his shoulder but he longed to be on his back to get a better view of them.

'Turn me over.' Stiles begged. Jackson pulled out and moved, letting Derek take his place between Stiles' legs.

'Why should we?' Derek wondered.

'I want to see.' Stiles pleaded.

'Ok.' Derek said easily moving Stiles until he was on his back, legs flung either side of him. Derek lifted Stiles hips and tugged him closer. He held Stiles' ankles on his shoulder as he pushed into his tight heat. 'Jackson you're right. He's so tight.' Derek muttered. Jackson leaned in to kiss him. Stiles wanted to kiss them too but he didn't want to ask, afraid that they would stop this wonderful pleasure.

'Come on Der-officer!' Stiles whined pushing his hips down hard on Derek's cock. Derek pulled away from Jackson and gripped Stiles thighs as he pulled out slowly and slammed back in, making Stiles writhe and push back against him. 'Yes fuck me. Fuck me hard!' Stiles begged as Derek practically folded him in half, pounding into him. Jackson crawled up the bed and Stiles reached for him, sucking him back into his mouth and fondling his heavy balls. He sucked a finger into his mouth alongside Jacksons cock licking it wet and easing it into Jackson's ass as Jacksons hips jerked in his mouth.

Stiles looked up when he felt Derek pause. He was kissing Jackson. Stiles pressed his finger down hard and Jackson gasped, pulling away from Derek. Derek returned his attention to Stiles. Stiles could feel Jackson tense in his mouth, trying to pull away but Stiles hand on Jacksons ass held him close as he sucked all the juice from Jackson, swallowing everything Jackson gave him.

Derek grunted above him, hips stuttering before he came hard, groaning loudly, hips jerking until he was spent. He collapsed on top of Stiles and Jackson beside them.

Stiles held his patience for as long as he could before pushing his hips at Derek reminding him that his need hadn't been fulfilled. He was a little frightened that they would get dressed and leave him like this. He didn't want that. He really didn't want that.

He shouldn't have worried. Derek pulled out with a grunt and then he was between Stiles' legs sucking his balls while Jackson sucked and licked along the length of Stiles' hard cock. He pushed into Jacksons mouth and came embarrassingly quick, watching Jacksons catch it with his mouth and share it with Derek.

They moved to their knees, still kissing and Stiles sighed watching them, his fingers brushing his own lips. They pulled away, pressed their foreheads together for several seconds and then turned to look at him.

'Derek I think he wants a kiss.' Jackson smirked.

'I think you're right.' Derek said sliding down to the bed and turning Stiles jaw with a crooked finger before kissing into his mouth softly. Jackson pushed his way in and Derek chuckled as he pulled away to let Jackson kiss Stiles.

Stiles though he was drowning as they took it in turns to deprive him of air but eventually they settled on either side of him, Jackson dragging the duvet over their legs. 'That was the best one yet.' Jackson said.

'I like it when you run.' Derek agreed.

'I don't. I didn't think I'd have enough air to suck you off.'

'Well you need to start working out.' Derek said nipping Stiles neck as he shuffled beside Stiles.

'I'm not a fussy cop like you are. Where did you get the uniforms by the way?'

'I borrowed one from a friend for Jackson. That was my old one.'

'I thought it was a bit tight.'

'Running was awkward.' Derek agreed. Stiles smirked imagining Derek's discomfort. Served him right for making Stiles run.

'Hey you better call Lydia and thank her for playing along.' Jackson reminded him.

'Derek can do it. She keeps asking me for details and I keep giving them to her then you two keep withholding sex and no ones happy.' Stiles muttered.

'I always say no details. Just say no.'

'I should have said no this morning when you told me how hot it would be to chase me through the park, catch me and fuck me.' Stiles muttered.

'I liked the dildo part.' Jackson grinned snuggling his body against Stiles and dragging Stiles arm around him. 'I'm hungry.'

'The dildo part was your idea.' Derek said to Jackson while pulling Stiles against him. 'Go to sleep and we can get Chinese later.'

'Hey, how about next time we dress up as doctors. I can totally get spare scrubs for you two.' Jackson said. Stiles groaned and buried his face into Jackson's hair.

'Web designers aren't sexy.' Stiles muttered.

'They are if they're wearing suits with ties and braces and wanting their asses smacked.'

'It's my fantasy turn.' Stiles pointed out. 'Derek could wear his glasses and we can do muscly geek fantasy. We'll even put tape on your glasses.'

'You two are sick.' Derek muttered.

'That's why you love us.' Stiles pointed out.

'Shut up.'

Stiles thanked whatever god was shining down on him as he snuggled between his muscled Adonis's and feel into a happy warm sleep with a smile on his lips.

After the 'dildo robbery' Lydia Martin had her own smile. News spread quickly around town and business was booming. Maybe she would have a word with Stiles about his advertising techniques.


	3. Derek and Who

Derek/unknown female. Can be anyone. Can be no one. I fancied some het, because there isn't much het in Teen Wolf and we need it!

Derek closed his eyes as she rolled into his lap. Her thighs were slick against his own, sweat helping them glide against each other. Her back was the same, damp with sweat, reducing his purchase as she rode him, giving her more control with her hands pressing into the back of the chair. He braced his feet on the floor, using them as leverage to push up into her, to haul her closer. She nipped along his stubbled jaw, licking at his neck, biting his earlobe hard.

He groaned, sliding his hands from her waist to her ass, lifting her off his cock, only to let her slide back down. Gravity was a wonderful thing he realised, as she grabbed his shoulder, mouthing at his neck. She clenched around him, making him hiss and he pulled her ass cheeks apart, slid a finger over her hole, slick from sweat and her own juices when he ate her pussy like a starving man, moaning as she did, fingers plunging into her, his cock aching with need of her. He eased the tip of his finger inside and she gasped, pushing down on his cock and riding him hard.

'Yes. Yes, yes, yes.' She chanted in his ear, like a prayer of a dying woman, and he was there to provide her with water. 'Derek, Derek please I need…I…'

'What do you need? Tell me baby?' He whispered, ducking his head to suck a nipple into his mouth, his blunt teeth scraping over the hardened flesh. 'Tell me.' He muttered around his mouthful.

'I need to…oh please…'

'This?' He asked, licking a line between her breasts. She gasped and pressed closer to him. 'Or this.' He eased his finger deeper into her ass. 'What about…' He lowered his hand until his thumb was resting against her clit, rubbing over the tip.

'Yes!' She threw her head back and cried out, clenching around him, her orgasm taking her by surprise for all the build-up. 'Yes, oh fuck yes.'

'Yes.' He muttered, kissing her as he pushed into her. She rode him through her orgasm until he was coming too, his hot come flowing into her, his breath hot against her neck. 'Fuck.' He said, easing his finger out, lifting her off his cock and letting her curl up on top of him, dragging the blanket over the back of the armchair around them. He kissed her softly, his fingers running over her body as the sweat dried on her skin. Her eyes fluttered and he sat there, holding her, waiting until she fell asleep, then following her into slumber.


	4. Kiss Me Better

This is from a tumblr prompt krysylyn86 asked you: Derek/Stiles, Derek makes up for Erica hitting him, first-time :)

'I am so sorry, so really very sorry baby.' Derek whispered crawling up the bed to loom over Stiles. Stiles huffed into his pillow, turning his face away. 'She's going to make it up to you, I promise you, she'll make it up.' Derek nosed his way up Stiles's neck, kissing his ear until he got to the bruised part of Stiles's head. 'Let me kiss it better.' Derek proceeded to kiss all over Stiles's face and head where Erica had thumped him.

'I don't forgive you.' Stiles said. He was sure Derek could hear the lie in his statement but he didn't care.

'Please.' Derek pouted, kissing down his jaw, and across to the corner of his mouth. 'Tell me where it hurts.'

'Here.' Stiles said pointing at his lips. Derek covered his lips, licking Stiles's top lip with the tip of his tongue, and then nipping the bottom one before leaving a filthy breath-taking kiss.

'Where else?' Derek asked. Stiles pointed to the bare skin of his throat and Derek happily obliged, following Stiles's fingers, stripping him slowly as he kissed wherever Stiles wanted him to. When Stiles was naked he rolled over and Derek kissed each plump ass cheek before running his nose along Stiles's crack. 'Is it sore here too sweetheart?'

Stiles shivered at the pet name but nodded eagerly and soon Derek's lips and tongue were soothing Stiles's hurt. 'Derek!' Stiles begged, pushing his body back against him. 'Derek please.'

'I'm kissing you better Stiles, it's a timely process.' Derek teased.

'I thought you were making up to me?' Stiles asked.

'I am.' Derek said.

'Then strip, let me see you.' Stiles said. Derek removed his clothes slowly, methodically, and soon he was covering Stiles with his naked body.

'I'm going to make sure my pack know never to hurt you ever again.' Derek whispered. His lips were hot against Stiles's ear as his fingers eased into his body. 'You're mine to protect, we'll show them.'

'Derek, please.' Stiles whined. Derek turned Stiles onto his belly, and eased his cock into Stiles's body. It was slow, tortuously so, with Derek putting almost his full weight on Stiles. He wrapped his arms under Stiles's chest, their fingers locking together, and turned Stiles's face towards his own. Derek's massive body covered Stiles's slimmer frame, and his movements were slow, but deep. Every push into Stiles's body had him gasping for air, every twist of Derek's hips had him gripping Derek's fingers in a vice grip.

His orgasm built slowly, curling around his nerves like a spicy smoke, burning him. He came untouched, only the blanket below them as his friction. Derek was moments behind him, his tongue and lips moving desperately against Stiles until they were both shaking and sated. Derek rolled off Stiles, and Stiles could feel his eyelids grow heavy. Somehow Derek cleaned Stiles without him noticing, and it wasn't until Derek was curling under the covers with him that Stiles realised he'd been drifting in and out of sleep.

'Shush.' Derek whispered his lips against Stiles's temple. 'Go to sleep now love.'


End file.
